Crazy Dave: Whoa there! Who dimmed the lights?
Penny: No one, User Dave. We have simply arrived in the Dark Ages.
Crazy Dave: Sounds gloomy to me.
Penny: Indeed. According to my research, a plague has swept this era.
Penny: Also, sun no longer falls from the sky.
Crazy Dave: What we need is someone to brighten this place up!
Crazy Dave: I got it! We need Sun-shrooms!
Crazy Dave: Those guys not only know how to turn a frown upside-down...
Crazy Dave: They make more sun as they grow! Great guys, very talented.
(Crazy Dave and Penny leave)
Penny: Data suggests the Dark Ages were a time ofintellectual decline and moral confusion.
Penny: Perhaps now is a good time to call upon the persuasive powers of the Hypno-shroom?
Crazy Dave: Good idea, Penny! We'll convert the wicked - Dark Ages style!
Crazy Dave: Deploy this shroom and the zombies won't know what bit them...
Crazy Dave: Until they see that it was their fellow zombies! Then, mind BLOWN!
(Crazy Dave and Penny leave)
Crazy Dave: I'm afraid the Dark Ages are giving me a bad case of the vapours.
Penny: User Dave, the vapours are no longer considered a real ailment.
Penny: But I believe Fume-shroom will be of use here.
Penny: His vapors are quite real and provide a distinct advantage against the right zombie
opponents.
Crazy Dave: Fume-tastic! Let's give the zombies a case of the vapours instead!
(Crazy Dave and Penny leave)
Penny: Warning! I've detected carafes containing chemical compounds of a malevolent makeup!
Crazy Dave: Can you translate that into Crazy Dave Talk for me?
Penny: There are evil potions on the lawn!
Crazy Dave: Evil medieval potions! They're the most dangerous kind...
Crazy Dave: On account of having twice the evil!
(Crazy Dave and Penny leave)
(After the player completes the level and receives a note)
Penny: User Dave, we have encountered a scroll.
Crazy Dave: I love side-scrollers! They're my second favorite kind of game.
Penny: This is not a game. It's a piece of parchment bearing a message.
Crazy Dave: Will ya④ look at that! It's Dark Ages email. Neat-o!
Dr. Zomboss: Well met, Not-Very-Noble Lord! Dr. Zomboss: It is my fervent medical opinion that your humours are out of balance! Dr. Zomboss: Methinks the siphoning of thine brains is the only way to correct this ailment! Dr. Zomboss: Fare thee ill, Dr. Edgar Zomboss
(Dr. Zomboss leaves, Crazy Dave and Penny appear)
Crazy Dave: Hey! I prefer my humors and my brains unbalanced!
Crazy Dave: Because I'm CRAAAAZY!
(Crazy Dave and Penny leave)
(After the player completes the level and receives Arthur's Challenge, Crazy Dave and Penny
appear)
Crazy Dave: Why would anyone go and stick a nice sword in a dirty ol' rock?
Penny: I understand it to be a test, User Dave.
Penny: Only someone with great physical strength and strengthof character may remove it.
Crazy Dave: I bet someone with a jackhammer could remove it.
Crazy Dave: A CRAAAZY someone!
Penny: An inelegant but no doubt effective solution to the test, User Dave.
(Crazy Dave and Penny leave)
Crazy Dave: Boy, Pea-shooter and Wall-nut are good at what they do.
Crazy Dave: Talk about two great plants that fight great together!
Penny: User Dave! Perhaps you are not cerebrally unsound as you periodically insist!
Penny: What if there was one plant that behaved like both a Pea-shooter AND a Wall-nut?
Penny: We would call it a... Pea-nut!
Crazy Dave: Two plant powers in one legume's body?
Crazy Dave: Keep talkin' like that and people are going to call you Crazy Penny!
Crazy Dave: Which would be weird for both of us.
(Crazy Dave and Penny leave)
Dr. Zomboss: A question for you, my Ignoble Foes! Dr. Zomboss: Has thou noted how violent thine plants become upon consuming Plant Food? Dr. Zomboss: Perchance, hast thou wondered what Plant Food is truly made of?
Dr. Zomboss: Verily, I shall tell thee. It's zombies! Plant Food is made of zombies!
(Dr. Zomboss disappears, Crazy Dave and Penny appear)
Crazy Dave: Unpossible! We feed our plants only the highest quality organic uhm...
Crazy Dave: Hey Penny, what is Plant Food made of?
Penny: I fear the true nature of Plant Food requires further analysis, User Dave.
Penny: Excuse me while I run some tests.
(Crazy Dave and Penny leave)
(After defeating Dr. Zomboss and receiving the Dark Ages Trophy)
(Crazy Dave and Penny appear)
Penny: I have found no evidence that Plant Food contains zombies or zombie byproducts.
Crazy Dave: Phew! Plants shouldn't eat zombies who eat plants.
Crazy Dave: Except Chomper. He has to. Dude needs the fiber.
(Crazy Dave and Penny leave, Dr. Zomboss appears) Dr. Zomboss: Why does thine time-traveling jalopy lie to thee? Dr. Zomboss: Perchance, a question best left for another day? Dr. Zomboss: Now, I pray, imagine maniacal laughter as I depart.
(Dr. Zomboss disappears)